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Friends of Felines Rescue Center, Defiance, OH 43512

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Name: Jonah

Birthday: July 15, 1999

Came to live in Cats Cove: August, 1999

Favorite Treat/Toy: Soft Blankets

Jonah --The Do Not Pity Me Cat


On today’s Episode of Sweatin with Sevaun, our Special Guest is Jonah.  Hello Jonah, I hear you have a story to tell us?

Thanks big guy.  Hi everyone, I’m Jonah.  Ok, so let’s just get this out there before you all start whispering among yourselves, yes I’m a three legged cat.  Now don’t anyone start with the “oh, poor Jonah,” or I’ll smack you with one of the legs I have, ok?  Whew, that’s done.  Ok, so I’m one of the elders out in Kitty City.  The younger ones look to me for guidance, just like that terrible night about three years ago when things went crazy around here.  I’ve been here since 1999 and I’ve seen a lot of things in my day…but that night…well it was some night.

It started out like any other day.  We had to do our morning chores.  We ate, used the litter box, slept and ate some more.  Then momma Jacci let us out for some exercise.  Everything was fine until she called us in for dinner and that darn Timothy never came home.  Momma Jacci was so upset.  She walked everywhere yelling “Timothy…here kitty, here kitty.”  But he never came home.  She was so sad.  She just kept say “Oh, my garsh, oh my garsh, oh my garsh.”  We counted, there must have been like 30 garshes.  Even on the worst days there are only like 5.

Well, we were all a little upset.  Not because Timothy was missing, just because momma Jacci was so sad.    It got to be real late at night and very dark and finally she came into to us and said “don’t worry, Timothy will come back real soon.” 

Then after she left, we heard some thuds on the wall.  Thud, thud, thud.  It was scary.  Simone said it was probably Timothy trying to get in, so we opened the door (oh, momma Jacci doesn’t know we know how to do that, but we do, so don’t tell her ok?)  So after we opened the door, we discovered the nightmare was just beginning.

For some reason the chickens were throwing their eggs at us.  They must have called in all the chickens on the farm to help because they had tons of eggs.  They just kept lobbing them at us.  It was horrible.  We didn’t know what to do.  There were broken eggs everywhere and those darn chickens were yelling things we just never understood.  “Spray us again and see how many omelets you’ll like in your fur.”  It made no sense and still doesn’t to this day.

Look, I’ve seen a lot since coming here.  I was only 6 weeks old when I arrived and my front leg was as smashed as those eggs were, so the doctor had to remove it.  It was crazy learning how to walk with only one front leg, but momma Jacci and her daughter Dawn taught me.  They were really into dogs back then, but let me stay with them in the office while they taught me how to walk.   And being around dogs you see a lot of crazy stuff.  I mean they are ok and all, but what babies.  Dogs have a different drama every day.  But it was nothing compared to the great chicken attack that night.

I’ll be the first to tell you, that night brought out the worst in some of us.  Sevaun, for example, we were trying to clean up all the eggs and he’s running around trying to hide his KFC coupons incase the chickens broke in our door.  He kept yelling “They’ll be mad!”  He was useless.    And Sylvan turned into Rambo.  He wanted to fight till the death.  We had to restrain him.  George (boy I miss my friend George, may he rest in peace) was the voice of reason.  He told us to remain calm and that momma Jacci would save us.

Sure enough about 2:00 a.m. momma Jacci came out in her pj’s.  But she didn’t notice the eggs everywhere, she just kept saying “Timothy…are you here?”  And when the chickens saw her they ran away, but as soon as she left, they came back and brought their peacock friends with them.  Then the goose came and lobbed their eggs at us too.  I was almost knocked out.  Guess it’s true; birds of a feather do flock together.

Anyway, they finally ran out of eggs and stopped throwing things.  But they started to peck at our back wall.  Sylvan started running around screaming “Defend our wall.  Don’t let anyone tear down our wall.  We will never let the wall fall.”  He was out of control, so I sprayed him.  It had to be done.

Well the chickens left once momma Jacci came back around 5:00 a.m.  She just looked at all the eggs laying around and wet Sylvan and said “ok, I know you are all upset about Timothy, so I’m going to overlook this mess and forgive you.”  I peeked around the corner and heard a chicken clucking at that one. 

Anyway, we all licked up as much of the eggs as we could and then we realized the stupid chickens had kept them in the sun so we all got very sick.  And who should show up later that day?  Yup, Timothy.  He was like “wait till you hear about my night.”  We told him to save it.  We didn’t want to know.

I mean I like Timothy and all (we share the same birthday, July 15th) but he’s so much younger than me and doesn’t understand what terror we faced from those chickens.

Well, that’s my story of one crazy night out in Cat’s Cove.  Hope you enjoyed hearing about it.  Now back to Sevuan.

Thanks Jonah.  I just want to clarify something.  I was only saving the KFC coupons from a possible theft by the chickens.  I was thinking of my fellow cats.  Ok, now for today’s workout.  Lay down and lift your head up in the air, once, twice…ok that’s it. Wow, I feel great.   See you all tomorrow and remember this is Sevaun saying:

Keep it real cats, and make sure you've licked your hoomin today!